If you are marketable, you are a clone

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Markets rely on mass appeal and therefore mass adoption. Being a hipster is so mainstream that they are a marketer’s, advertiser’s and retailer’s wet dream.

Hipsters are so predictable and marketable that they make games about them like this one:
http://dress.portlandhipster.com/

If I was this marketable , I would be completely and utterly devastated at what I have become. I would be so disappointed in myself for being such an uncreative clone that I would run away and hide forever out of shame.

If someone was able to make a game about the way I dress and behave so accurately that a 6 year old could clone me in a web browser, I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror ever again for the rest of my pathetic life.

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Homogenous Hipsters need to like these things in order to fit in and lounge around in the Hipster comfort zone

Bill-Murray-artBill Murray

Generation X – We loved Bill Murray in ‘SNL, Meatballs & Stripes’ and then followed him all throughout his career. We quietly admired him and it was enough to just support his brilliance by watching his films and chatting about how funny he is.
Millennial Hipsters – See one Wes Anderson film and then they all love Bill Murray en mass and start stenciling his face on walls, wear orange hipster sheep bullshit beanies and talk about how they knew him before anyone else.
Verdict – Fuck off useless Millennial Hipster cunts.

It_1990_Promotional_PosterDiscovering old things and thinking that they can understand it’s relevance today

An example here is that I saw a hipster piece of shit girl reading ‘It’ by Stephen King outside a cool cafe the other day. When I was in my early twenties I read my friend’s, ‘It’ book then we saw the film at the cinema and it was the most terrifying and ground breaking feeling ever to see such pure rawness out of a heavily moderated cinema censorship classifying system. Most films rated M and R were relatively compared to SNUFF films. We were a lot more reserved and innocent back then so ‘It’ was a big ass deal to go and see. A lot of sales were lost based on the film being too damn scary. Today seeing a horror film is a first date experience and no big deal.
Verdict – Hipster bitch reading ‘It’ can fuck right off and stop trying to re-live the excitement and danger of the original era and juxtaposition of the book’s date of release. Millennials will NEVER know how it feels to create something amazing and original and they can pose, emulate, copy and pretend all they want but never ever understand the full energy and limitlessness of being a teenager in the 70s and 80s.

Juxtaposition

This is the backbone of Hipster fashion. Want to dress like a Hipster Dickhead? Easy!! All you have to do is the opposite of something that is trendy or relevant.

1

Motor bike riders wore leather and were rough and carefree?

Juxtapositionies! YAY!

Get an immaculate bread, wear expensive brand jeans BUT ride a motorbike so that it is the opposite of what people are used to seeing. EASY! LOOK AT ME!! I’m different… see?!!

 

2More Juxtapositions. Find a famous statue from ancient times and…… wait for it….. put modern clothes on it.

Juxtapositionies! YAY!

Look at my genius art!!

 

3Last one before we all run out to kill a hipster cunt.

People matching their clothes too much? Not getting enough attention? No problem!

Wear mismatching clothes from the 80s and 90s to create a whacky juxtaposition called, ‘Normcore’!!!

Contradiction alert!! – Hipsters hate the mainstream and boring, plainly dressed corporate people right? Then why admire and adopt the way they dress all of a sudden? Hipsters are useless, uncreative, walking cliché, contradicting fucktards? You bet!

Peak Hipster

peak

Yep, it’s official…

the ‘Handy Slut’ has reached peak hipster. All the originality and raw talent of Generation X has been stolen, recycled and tattooed onto 99% of the cliché, cookie cutter, hipster clientele at this once great bar.